One of those?

We were at the park the other day, and Ali found another little girl about her age to play with.  They were pointing out each other’s eyes, nose, etc., and babbling in baby talk while the little girl’s mom and I stood off to the side chuckling together. We exchanged kid names and talked about how cute everyone was, the usual playground small talk. Then the mom asked if I was getting used to Ali’s hair, a fair question since I’m obviously white and Ali’s obviously biracial. Even more fair since Ali was sporting a twist out she had semi recently napped on and I hadn’t fixed:  

 Then the other mom said, “It’s a constant battle isn’t it? I’ve got one of those at home too, and just when you think you got the hang of the hair, it changes on you.” 

One of those??

Words are powerful, and it was shocking to me that a mother would be so casual about saying something subtly racist (or at the very least it was a phrase that set up a clear us/them dynamic) to a stranger. 

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11 Responses to One of those?

  1. Lindsay says:

    That’s appalling. Maybe she just slipped up and it came out all wrong, but how can you refer to a person as “one of THOSE?” Gross.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Shannon says:

    Oh I may be contacting you for tips on hair once Summitt gets bigger! We are anxious to see what happens with her hair. With Judge it is easy, just keep it short, but a girl is a whole new ballgame πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Becca says:

    foot in mouth!

    Like

  4. The LadyKing says:

    Oh my. I agree the nonchalance is even more appalling. People really can lack any self awareness. Good grief. I’m sorry you had to experience that. I’m even more sorry if it was said within earshot of Ali. Kids pick up on those things so young and as a mother, or a human, really, she should have known better. Yuck.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kayrosey says:

      I went back and forth over this post, thinking that maybe I’m being overly sensitive. I *am* pretty sensitive about Ali, lots of people ask where we adopted her from (even 2 people who are my friends, and knew me while I was pregnant!!), which bothers me more than I know it should. But the more I thought about it, the more I think that it really was a shitty thing to say, and I wish I had said something.

      Like

      • The LadyKing says:

        I think it should bother you plenty. There are so many, many different ways to have families these days that I never assume anything. And so many, many families look different and have different races and ethnicities and my goodness, it is 2015, and I am sad this is still a thing, a very serious thing that has no place in this world.

        I have been shocked into silence many times and always wished I had said many of the clever things I think of later at the time, but I also remind myself that it’s not my job to carry the burden of other people’s ignorance or explain my family if the situation feels unsafe or just plain uncomfortable.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow…that’s crazy! So uncalled for! I’m praying that Ali, with all those beautiful curly mess of hair did not hear that….

    Liked by 1 person

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