Things and stuff

I have a few minutes before I need to get al up from her nap, and I’ve had a few things rattling around in my head that I want to write about, so here goes…

Now that Ali’s birthday is past, we get to decorate for Halloween! My whole house is dripping with ghosts and pumpkins and various spooky things, I love it. I’m one of those crazy holiday decorators, I’m so excited that boring summer is over and I get to bust out my various themed hand towels and area rugs and knick knacks! I even swap out the art on the walls for things like fake portraits where the eyes follow you or prints of Santa flying over iconic buildings in my city. Luckily Jen is a good sport about it. Despite  the eye rolls I think she secretly loves it, hehe. I know Ali loves it, she will not stop talking about ghosts and monsters and spooky trees. She’s even taken to throwing a blanket over her head and running around pretending to be a ghost. Sometimes she runs into the wall and I laugh kind of hard, I’m a mean mom. 

Speaking of miss Ali, we found out at her wellness check that she’s still a giant, 96% for height and head size, 71% for weight. Her height/weight/head circumference stats have always been within a few percentage points of each other, so I was concerned that she is so skinny, but the doctor says that’s normal for a kid as active as her. I don’t know where she gets it, she sure as hell didn’t get the skinny genes from my chunky butt! I guess she takes after Jen in that area 😉

Which brings us to Ali’s donor. It’s amusing to me that people are often totally perplexed at how Ali got such dark brown eyes since Jen and I both have blue eyes, or they ask me if I’m biracial and Ali’s hair texture comes from my black parent. In a big way it’s nice that people consider both of us as equal parents, because we are, but in another way it’s like, seriously people? I’m guessing you skipped that day in biology class? So, yeah, Ali’s donor is black, and we are both white, and I know that’s something that’s probably at least a little bit out of the norm. There is a lot that goes into choosing a donor, as I’m sure most of you who read this know, and there are many reasons big and small that we chose our guy. The one and only criteria that was important to Jen, was that our potential child not look like me because she was worried about people thinking or her feeling like she was not one of the parents. To be honest, we were actually looking at Asian donors, and were pretty set on one particular donor early on. Then, a few weeks before we actually bought vials, Ali’s amazing donor became available. He was the perfect height and build, I liked his essay, the cleanest health history we had ever seen, and when we ordered the picture  we both thought he was about the cutest kid we had ever seen. Of course there was a lot of hemming and hawing about using a black donor, it’s a big deal to look so different than everyone in your family. Plus you never really know when your supposedly liberal family members will reveal their racism. Luckily we haven’t had any problems like that, everyone has loved her from the start, but we still worried. And honestly, I still worry about people being nasty to her. Not family anymore, just people in general. She’s so friendly and outgoing that I hope she wins over the nasty people she encounters in life, who could be mean to this little cutie?  


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3 Responses to Things and stuff

  1. AndiePants says:

    Do you have friends/ family who are black or biracial? I have some friends who were adopted by parents of another race and those who had family or family friends who were also people of color talk about that making a huge difference gor them. Something to think about! She’s a beautiful girl! I also wonder how you feel about your partner not wanting kids who looked like you? I think my feelings might be hurt by that, but I know different dynamics might make that not true for everyone.
    Thanks for sharing this, is a very vulnerable thing to share why you choose the donor you did, so thank you!


    • kayrosey says:

      I have extended family who is biracial, but no immediate that we would have a lot of contact with. We do have several friends with biracial kids, and we see them fairly often. Our neighborhood is also surprisingly diverse for a middle class suburban neighborhood, there are several kids in her age range that are like her, so I hope that helps her feel like she’s not abnormal.
      Not wanting our kid to look like me totally stems from her insecurity about not having a biological connection. Now that Ali is actually here and not just a thought, she has realized that the biological connection isn’t really a big deal, she has said a few times that she can’t imagine loving her more or being more bonded to her.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so not a decorator. I feel like such a party pooper and have no desire to do anything most holidays. I’m at least going to make Wallace a costume and attempt trick or treating this year!

    I appreciate reading this. The first two KDs I had worked with are black. One fell through for a very complex reason and the other was because I moved across the country in my first 2ww. I had done a lot of soul searching and Internet searching before deciding if I could be a good parent for a mixed race child and/or an adopted child. When I found Wallace’s KD, it was his personality and medical history that stood out for me. I knew immediately this was right. Part of me really wants to get to try again with KD2 (when the time is right), he was really bummed when I told him I was moving. I’m still concerned about raising a biracial child but I think that concern will keep me intentional and always assessing myself.

    Liked by 1 person

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