Update 

Oh man, I think it’s been over a month since I’ve written anything! I’m going to blame school, it’s been really taking up every spare second I have. I always used to kind of roll my eyes when professors said you need to spend 2 hours a week studying outside class for each hour you spend in class, now it’s probably even more than that. Good thing it’s actually interesting to me, or I’d never make it. 

But school talk is boring, no one wants to hear about fluid and electrolyte balance, what you want to hear about is our brand new foster kids we got last week! Yup, we got THE CALL on Wednesday afternoon and picked up a 12 month old and a 2 year old that evening. There was another sibling who was 3, and we just couldn’t take him too. I felt really bad about saying no to him, but it ended up being the right thing since the kid ended up in 3 different foster homes in 24 hours since he was so violent with other kids. 

There’s so much to say about suddenly becoming a family of 5, but it can be mostly summed up by saying it’s effing crazy. Personally, I’m loving it. Jen and Ali on the other hand, they are both struggling pretty hard with adding more people to the mix. It will get better, but right now is difficult. Ali has turned into a jealous, possessive maniac who screams and cries and stomps her foot every time the older boy touches a toy or sits on my lap. Jen is alternating between crying fits and totally checking out and zoning out on her phone. I said something to her about it tonight. It wasn’t pretty. The force of her defensiveness let me know that she knows I’m right though, so she will at least pretend to get it together now. Ahh, marriage. It’s not for the faint of heart!

But back to the boys… They are both just little dream boats. They eat, they sleep, they listen. I’m telling you, neglect really has an upside to it. Just kidding, of course. I’ll take my spoiled little queen any day. Ali and the 2 year old, K, are only 3 months apart but they are worlds apart in so many ways.  

 Look how tiny he is next to her! Aside from the obvious physical differences, the academic differences have really struck me. It’s really put into focus for me just how far behind a disadvantaged kid is right at the starting point with school. I know everyone here in my social bubble has different opinions and approaches with lots of different hot button parenting topics, but I bet we all incorporate academic stuff into our routine interactions without even realizing it. I mean, this poor little dude knows zero colors or numbers, can’t name one single animal in the picture books or come up with the sounds they make, he has no idea what to do with crayons or play dough or puzzles. On the other hand, he is well behaved and happy and polite, it’s obvious that someone loves him and has taken care of him. Hopefully that someone is his dad, since he surfaced on Friday and apparently wants to take K. If all goes well with whatever the vetting process is, little dude will go back to his family this week. I’m pretty happy for him, I hope he’s going to a good place where people love and want him. 

The baby. Can you call a 12 month old a baby still? At 12 months Ali was definitely not a baby anymore, she was full on toddler. This 12 month old is still very baby like, so we will go with baby for now.  The boys’ social worker has had emergencies pop up so we haven’t met yet to talk about their situation or their medical records, which is weird and frustrating, but I can tell you that there are some major delays in a few areas. I can also tell you that he has this skinny limbs big abdomen thing going on like a starving kid. You would be amazed at the difference that 5 days of stuffing him with food and giving him tons of cuddles and interaction have done. This little guy will break our hearts if he goes back, I can tell that already. At this very early point, it’s looking like a long term, possible termination situation. But you never know what people will do, right? 

It’s killing me to not post pictures of the dudes, but I can’t. So instead, here’s a funny pic of Ali  

 and here’s a fantastic recipe for chicken shawarma that I may or may not have posted before  

 

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14 Responses to Update 

  1. Why are you so far from me? I want to play with your babies.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A friend who has worked years in low income nursery situations has talked at length about how the kids who get little attention at home are the easiest, in an absolutely heartbreaking way. So glad these little dudes are getting schooled in the ways of cuddles and love and attention.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Becca says:

    When I used to be a child therapist, I’d say the neglected children were the sweetest (you have to have a sense of humor about it to counteract the devastation of primarily working with victimized children). The physical and neurological effects neglect has on children is so profound, but all the love and cuddles help build those neurological structures. Even if it’s for a short time, your impact on these two boys at this time in their development is significant. Isn’t that amazing?

    Like

  4. KA Doore says:

    Oh, fostering! I really want to do this someday, when we’ve finally settled somewhere, so I will be reading all your posts twice. 🙂 I hope you can keep the 12-month-old too. I don’t remember where I read it, but I heard that babies are much more likely to be placed permanently.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kayrosey says:

      They know we want to adopt, so hopefully that played a part in them asking us to take them. Although I’m surprisingly happy about the 2 year old going back to family. The baby on the other hand, I have strong negative feelings towards his mom and might die if he goes back to that shitty situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yay foster kids! So the 3 boys are siblings, and you got 2? It sounds like there’s a dad who might get K but not the baby? Hopefully things settle down and get easier for Ali and your wife.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kayrosey says:

      Yes, 3 siblings with 3 different dads, the baby and 3 year old has unknown checked by father. As far as we know anyway, and social services should know since they always go after the dad for child support when on state aid. I suspect the middle kid spends a fair amount of time with the paternal relatives, he wasn’t nearly as disgusting as the baby and doesn’t act like a wild animal like the older one.

      Like

      • Poor kids. Not a good situation for them, clearly. I bet the baby is malnourished. I have first hand experience with DHS trying to go after Wallace’s dad for child support. I was told that if I’d gotten pregnant on purpose then I couldn’t receive support. I had to lie and be shamed and dregaded for half a hour. Good times…

        Like

  6. Caitlin says:

    WOW! This is exciting news! I can only imagine how your lives have been impacted. I think it is so, so wonderful that they are both getting the positive influence of your family, however long they are able. I also think it’s wonderful for Ali to have see you opening your hearts and homes to others. What a great life lesson. Congratulations and good for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lindsay says:

    It makes my heart hurt so badly hearing stories about neglect and abuse in children. I’m so glad the boys are in a home now where they’re getting loved and learning that their needs will be met. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Molly says:

    Oh my gosh. This explains so many of my questions about your bathtub post on Facebook! How exciting! And crazy! I can’t wait to hear more as things unfold. Give that sweet baby boy some snuggles from me. I hate to think of a malnourished baby. It kills me.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. That’s so freaking awesome!!! Congrats on the (quick) growth of your family. And yeah, adding kids so quickly is gonna turn your life upside down, but we adjust and acclimate to a new life with more love!

    Liked by 1 person

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