Three things on a Thursday.
- It feels weird to be back in baby land again. It’s been so long since I’ve thought about all those tense baby issues like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, sleep issues, strollers vs. carriers, purées vs. whatever that’s called where you just give them pieces of regular food, etc. I decided long ago to stop caring about what the internet thinks and to do my own thing, sometimes my own thing fell along with the internet crowd and sometimes my own thing fell along with the old school way of parenting. Obviously quite a few of these parenting choices are not choices for me, it’s not like I can breastfeed this kid and co-sleeping is absolutely not allowed. Poor thing has a giant cast with a bar connecting each leg, so I can’t put her in a carrier, she has to go in a stroller. It’s an interesting position to be in, raising someone else’s baby under strict rules set forth by other people.
- My grandpa died a little over a week ago, which has been super sad but also sort of a relief. He’s been sick and miserable for more than a year, and my poor grandma has taken care of him this whole time. The funeral left me with a few things to think about, mainly my role? duty? I’m not sure what to call it, as a wife as well as what kind of an impression I want to leave behind. My grandparents were married for 64 years, with all of the ups and downs you could imagine would happen in that long of a time. Jen and I probably won’t make it to 64 years, we met too late in life, but it’s possible to make it to 50. The question is, what do I want those 50 years to look like? We have both agreed that we are ok with putting our relationship on the back burner while the kids are young, something had to give and that’s what was sacrificed. I guess my thought now is to make sure we don’t push our relationship so far back that we lose sight of it completely. When you look at the whole arc of your married life, only 10-15ish years out of 50 are spent with little kids, the rest of the time is just the two of you. The other thing that I’ve been thinking about is my legacy. My grandpa gave the impression of a lot of regrets. He felt like providing for the family was more important than enjoying it. He was a man of few words, getting to know him was difficult. Those aren’t the kinds of things that I want highlighted at my funeral, which means I should be who I want people to see me as. But who exactly do I want people to see me as? I think that question is what I need to keep in mind during my everyday interactions with family and friends.
- Omg, are you all watching the handmaidens tale? If you’re not, you should be!